junkyardteen.

❛     tried to.     ❜     but couldn’t  close  enough.    she was just  out of reach,  every time.    following the very  glimpse  of strawberry blonde around street corners and into buildings.    even  into the water,  where she once saw her beneath the surface.    hollow eyes open to the world.    hair  fanned out  around her in a way that made it seem peaceful.    quiet.    but most of all,  lonely.

realises  now  what she didn’t then.    (    even in her subconscious,  kallie was waiting to be found.    )    fumbles around in her coat pocket for a moment,  cursing  under her breath.    pulls a cigarette from  his  pack instead and lights it,  poisoning her lungs.

her hands are trembling.    she  ignores  it.    tries to play it off as a tic,  bouncing  her knee as if she’s restless.

❛     i did talk to her.    once.    it was weird.    i dunno.     ❜

‘     it ain’t weird.    you were lookin’ for her    —    maybe she knew.    i mean,   maybe she knew you had her back,   you weren’t givin’ up.    it ain’t on you,   what happened to her.    you gotta see that.     ’

but it’s never that easy.    didn’t mean anything then,   curtains drawn,   room clouded with smoke,   linden repeating a mantra of  it’s not your fault.    it’s not your fault.    and it probably doesn’t mean anything now.    kallie’s in the ground and everyone remembers james skinner as a decorated cop.    guilt works like a slow - acting poison.    he knows.

‘     …  what’d she say to you ?     ’